Walking the Middle Path with your Co-Parent

Previously, I addressed avoiding power struggles with your adolescent in my post, “Walking the Middle path with your Teen”. But what happens if the polarization happens between you and your partner?

In two parent households, or where there is a measure of co-parenting, I often will hear about different ideas about how to handle difficult behaviors. Should we be more strict or more lenient? Should we speak in softer or louder voices? More or less boundaries?

Typically what happens is that parents position themselves on two opposite ends of the parenting spectrum. As tension arise and more difficult behaviors stress the family system, parents tends to become more and more polarized in their ideas about what to do. For example, let’s say one parent believes in co-sleeping and the other would like the child to sleep in their own room. As sleeping trouble arises, one parent may insist on giving in entirely to the child and the other might insist on a strict ‘cry-it-out’ policy.

It can be easy to fall into arguments and then become more and more entrenched in seemingly opposing positions. However, the answer as to how to respond to difficult behaviors typically lies somewhere in-between both extreme positions. The child who is having difficulty sleeping through the night, might benefit from a gradual approach to helping them sleep in their own room, and in their own bed.

If you find yourself and your co-parent falling into extremes or a pattern of taking positions, take a moment. You can know, with some certainty, than in most cases (unless there is a safety issue, or some other acute concern), a good solution for all can be found by mutually seeking a compromise.