Riding the Toddler Emotion Wave

As a parent and a child therapist I know that there are few things more challenging than a Toddler Tantrum. Kids at this age are struggling to reinforce their own autonomy. At the same time toddlers have different, sometimes conflicting feelings about getting older. They may want more closeness, fight separation, play at being younger, while also yelling “no,” and “I want to do it by myself.” Parents and those who work with toddlers can easily become flooded these big, raw, and strong feelings. It can become difficult to keep one’s cool, remain level headed, and come up with strategies for deescalating these situations.

It is useful to think of the analogy of riding an emotion wave (rather than being sucked into a whirlpool). Waves come in and out and do not last forever. A skilled surfer remains balanced and in tune with their surroundings. Of course, as parents (and therapists) we are human, and cannot maintain composure at all times. Though there are a few tips that can be helpful:

• Keep in mind these intense emotions cannot possibly last forever. This is a difficult moment that will pass and move into another sort of moment.

• Help your child use words by reflecting what they might be feeling. For example, “You are feeling angry because….,” “You seem worried because….”

  • You can also reflect what you are feeling in distressing situations. “The traffic we are sitting in is really frustrating.”

• Have several coping skills or distress tolerance skills in your back pocket, ready to go.

  • Practice deep breathing, time-outs. calming music, when you and your kid are calm. When the time comes you can begin to access them.

    (Stay tuned for riding the Teen Emotion Wave…)